Well, it finally happened. As they say, all good things, must someday, come to an end. Hollywood, I am sad to announce, is officially closed. The door is locked, the sign hangs swinging in the door, and the lights are off. The sign on the front door simply reads: “We appreciate your support and patronage over the years, but we are no longer able to supply you with the quality merchandise you have come expect.”

What prompted this sudden revelation? It’s simple. Hollywood is officially out of ideas, with the announcement that Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are planning to remake Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I can only hope that they mean they are filming it for themselves – the way we would waste a summer’s afternoon playing Butch and Sundance down by the river as kids – and not as general release to the public.

Not to take away from the Oscar winning wunderkind duo, but you’re not that good. You’re certainly no Newman and Redford, no matter what your agents and wives tell you. Hell, you not even as good as Tom Berenger and William Katt, who already tried a remake of sorts. Classics are classics and shouldn’t be touched, no matter how tempting. You spent years working on, refining, Good Will Hunting and it paid off. Come up with a vehicle to team Newman and Redford again, you could win another Oscar. Come on think Jersey Girl 2, Ocean’s Thirteen, if you want to make something that no one wants to see. Or better yet – here’s real idea – free from me to you, a big screen adaptation of the 1970’s western Alias Smith and Jones, but don’t screw up one my all-time favorite films.

I can only hope that if you do try to go through with this, the Bolivian Army does the right thing and shoots you both as you step off the plane. “Hey Matt, next time I say let’s go someplace like Bolivia, let’s go someplace like Bolivia.” “You keep thinking, Ben. That’s what you’re best at.” I have to go buy a white straw hat…